I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
