conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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