Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize