Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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