I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
