I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
