I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
