i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i used baking grease as lip gloss
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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