he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
