I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
