His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
