I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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