Im at strip club and am horny
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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