I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
