I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
