so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
