I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
