im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
