maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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