So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
