Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
4 words: hood of his car
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
