My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i've created a new STD.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
