Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
