sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i came on her dog
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Drunk is not a location!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
we should paint friendship bongs
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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