actually, I'm a sock model
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
