marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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