what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
