I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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