the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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