dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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