i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize