Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
