Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
