I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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