you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
