He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
whose parrot is this?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
