Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
