I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you mean i was at the winter classic?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
