do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
