Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
PANTIES FOUND
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
