Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize