You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
