you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
