Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
