im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
