you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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