This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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