yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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