you will always have a special place in my vag
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
