Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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