so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
