Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
