Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
