Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize