I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
