I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
no you cant smoke seaweed
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
