I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
