READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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