Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Randomize
