I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
