anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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