If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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