Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
