I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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