my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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