meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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