Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
