Did you just see the Batmobile???
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
