it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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