She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You smell like stripper and shame
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
