I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
