Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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