i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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