you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
