everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize