Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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