you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
