if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
