Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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