you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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