I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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