He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize