it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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