to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
