Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
