i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
