I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
