a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
