speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
