I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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