found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize