he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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