we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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