I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
