did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it hurts more in the daytime
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
operation harelip BJ is a go
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
