I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
