dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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