and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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