Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
