His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize