I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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