I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
