Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
