who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
