i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
