one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
FUCK WHALES
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
