the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
