So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
