eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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