Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
