sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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